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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Correspondence Dept: Sandusky's Cracker Barrel Pundit

This commentary popped into The Daily Bellwether's mailbox from someone who grew up in Sandusky, Ohio. The city was mentioned on TDB because NASA is making plans to test a new spacecraft for lunar and Mars missions at a facility near the Lake Erie city, and the correspondent reported his brother lived near the lab's site, which he said had once been used as a huge arsenal or ammo storage area for wars past. He offered some views on Iraq -- and because he worked so hard -- you can read them below:

Uncle Joe’s Corner

"My Uncle Joe is a cranky old geezer who’s seen it all, he says. That’s why it’s always interesting to hear his take on things. So I asked him if he saw the President on TV about Iraq.

“This Bush-boy ain’t got two brain cells to rub together. If he did, he’d a know’d this was a loosin’ proposition to begin with. Plus I don’t see him exactly marching his daughter’s down to the recruiter’s office to sign up. Hell, I’m sure they’d get some kinda cushy stateside job or pretendin’ to fly airplanes or somethin’ like that.

"Uncle Joe, what do you mean that this is a “loosin’ proposition?”

"Hell boy, they got the home field advantage. You don’t stick you hands in a hornet’s nest to fight hornets. That’s just plain stupid. You pump smoke in there, settle ‘em down. They you sneak up on them when they ain’t lookin’ and BAM! Swat the pests deader ‘n doornails. It don’t take no genius to figure this out. You don’t see them Iraqi insergents trying anything in Kentucky, do you? Know why? They’s too smart for that. Go ahead. Try to invade Kentucky. The North still ain’t done it, and our own Civil War’s been over a good long time. See what happened when they tried to leave off the Dukes of Hazzard from the Kentucky Symphony just for flyin’ the Confederate flag?

"OK, Uncle Joe, but back to Iraq. What should we do?

"We’ll, we need to face facts. That Saddam clan was no good and needed killin’. Plain old Texas justice. But they’s plenty of other varmints runnin’ round that need killin’ too. But if you step on a rattler and don’t expect to be bit, well, you’re just livin’ in a dream world. You don’t blame the rattler for been a rattler. It is what it is. Now ‘bout them Iraqi’s. Some of them’s just plain folks like us. Want to live, raise a family, not bother anybody and not be bothered. And almost all ‘o them 9/11 jerks was Saudi’s anyway. Plain as day, this Bush feller done sold us a bill ‘o goods and got us in this war. And send more troops in and things start lookin’ a little better? Well hell yes! When the posse comes into town with more guns, you don’t pick a fight you can’t win. So you wait. Hell, it ain’t like you’re payin’ 2 billion a week to support them troops. We’re the idiots doing that. And I’m sure Mr. Dickie's lil’ Halliburton Boys is just happier than pigs in slop.

"What do you do? Well I’d say the first thing you do is get rid of the polecats in the henhouse. Then you start talkin’ turkey to everyone’s got a dog in this fight. And that means not spittin’ in their eye when you’re talking to ‘em, but not taking any guff either. Hell, we’re the biggest kid on the block, but that don’t mean we can bully everybody. Then all you’re doin’ is watching your back all the time. Makes you paranoid, inhuman, and when you do need friends, you may find you don’t really have any.

"Anyway, it ain’t goin’ to be easy. And we’re gonna have to do some things we don’t like. But that’s usually the way it is when some damn fool goes and screws things up for everybody. Hell, we lost over 3,000 good men and women so far in a war that’s gone longer than either of the big wars. And we got lots of wounded to deal with, and not doing too good a job of that. I ain’t for askin’ people to die and not take care of ‘em, or their families. Then there’s over 50,000 Iraqi’s dead too. Makes you wonder who gains from this.

"I ain’t got all the answers, but I seen WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. Peace at any cost may not be the answer, but war ain’t the only answer either.

"Thanks Uncle Joe".

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