Ohio Attorney General's April 1 Schedule: A Hard Day On The Job?

CINCINNATI (TDB) -- This showed up in the mailbox. The attorney general's schedule:

1. 5:30 a.m. -- Have Sex.
2. 5:32 a.m. -- Smoke Cigarette.
3. 6:00 a.m. -- Make Coffee.
4. 7:00 a.m. -- Arrive Office.
5. 7:30 a.m. -- Debriefing On Desk.
6. 8:00 a.m. -- Remove Thong from Brief.
7. 9:00 a.m. -- Reject Tony's plan to rename BCI Agents "House Dicks."
8. 9:30 a.m. -- Take prescription medication (Viagra).
9. 10:00 a.m. -- Have Sex.
10. 10:32 a.m. -- Smoke Cigarette.
11. 11:00 a.m. -- Draft Letter To 'Dear Abby' re: May-December Romance.
12. 11:30 a.m. -- Sign Letter As 'Dan from Youngstown.'
Noon -- Lunch -- Eat Out.
1 p.m. -- Call State Carpentry Shop.
1:30 p.m. -- Show carpenters blueprint of the room Bill Clinton had directly behind his Oval Office.
2:00 p.m. -- Get bids on private room in AG's office.
2:30 p.m. -- Massage.
3:00 p.m. -- Order Kama Sutra from State Library.
3:30 p.m. -- Review more briefs.
4:00 p.m. -- Debriefing.
4:30 p.m -- Have Sex.
4:32 p.m. -- Smoke Cigarette.
5:00 p.m. -- Photo Op With Hugh Hefner.
5:30 p.m. -- Order Silk Pajamas.
6:00 p.m. -- Fraternity Appearance At 'I Felta Thi.'
6:30 p.m. -- Hula Lessons.
7:00 p.m. -- Order Hawaiian Pizza.
7:30 p.m. -- Have Sex.
7:32 p.m. -- Smoke Cigarette.
8:00 p.m. -- Phone Elliot Spitzer.