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Monday, August 13, 2007

DNC Debuts Spoof GOP Website: Runs Nonexistent Republican Candidate

CINCINNATI (TDB) -- The Democrats have finally conjured up the spirit of Dick Tuck, their party's now-departed master prankster who once slipped Chinese-character placards into a Richard Nixon rally that, when translated into English, had unflattering things to say about the Republican candidate. Check out None of the Above, the Democratic National Committee's new Website devoted to the political pick who is topping the GOP's entire 2008 field, according to a recent poll. No doubt Tuck is chuckling today in the afterlife.

Nearly a fourth of Republicans took a pass last month when asked to pick a candidate in the Associated Press-Ipsos poll. That prompted the DNC to create the website devoted to the mythical candidate. They've even created a bogus biography for the GOP foil, who is faceless but clearly a male:

"None of the Above has never been a lobbyist, never flip-flopped on an important issue, and never supported a 50-year war in Iraq. He's the only Republican candidate with plans to make sure every American has access to health insurance. And unlike his rivals for the nomination, he refuses to embrace the failed policies of the Bush administration. Despite the crowded Republican field, None of the Above is the only Republican candidate that speaks to America's core values. Currently there are no Republican candidates in the field that provide the leadership necessary for our future, making None of the Above the only hope."

There's a disclaimer, too. But it is in very fine print, the kind of very, very fine print that must have been used in sub prime mortgages, or payday loan contracts. The DNC says,

"In case you don't get it, it's a joke. We want None of the Above to get the Republican nomination for President. Ha!"

Inquiring minds are wondering: Did Karl Rove leave the White House to run None of the Above's campaign? Would this be a perfect job for Bush's Brain. Could he guide a truly empty suit to victory?


  1. Au contraire! Dick Tuck is alive and well and contrarian in Tucson, Arizona. Or, at least he was when I had lunch with him earlier this year. Read about it here:

  2. Hi Jim --

    Good catch. However, I didn't say the late Mr. Tuck. Just figured he was no longer active since I didn't see anything of late and assumed that he had departed the political scene. But I did suspect he had gone to the great beyond. So I weasle worded the post -- you were right to call me on that. I am glad to hear from you that he is still around. Wonder what he thinks of the spoof website?