Adult Sex-Toy Retailer Teams Up With Cincinnati Bengals: Football 101 Seminar Sure To Create Buzz For Lady Fans

CINCINNATI (TDB) -- Pure Romance has hooked up with Bengals' Coach Marvin Lewis to "explain the rules and nuances of football" to 400 women next month at Paul Brown Stadium. NFL players will be on hand to help the coach. I wonder if the seminar will get into a formation called the flexbone -- in football it means a play involving three running backs. Or a muff, as in mishandled punt. Will he discuss ballhandling skills? Coach Lewis says he's looking forward to a fun group of pupils. Here's some background about the event:

"The Cincinnati Bengals and the Marvin Lewis Community Fund (MLCF) will once again team up to host Football 101 presented by Pure Romance on Thursday, of the Bengals bye week at Paul Brown Stadium from 4:30 - 9:30 p.m. The event starts with a silent auction, Chinese raffle, dinner, drinks, door prizes and a live auction. Head Coach Marvin Lewis is joined by members of the Bengals’ coaching staff and players to explain the rules and nuances of football to the 400 attendees. Individuals learn the game in a relaxed and entertaining atmosphere. The event included hands-on demonstrations, video presentations, and VIP tours of the locker room, weight room, and playing field. The night ends with coffee, desserts and a the announcement of the Chinese raffle winners.

"I love teaching this game and I do not think I’ve met a more enthusiastic and fun group of pupils than the participants that attend Football 101,” said Coach Lewis. "I look forward to recognizing our Pink Football Award winner every year as it is an inspiration to myself and all the attendees.”

The link between an NFL team and an adult sex toy company brings up all kinds of possibilities, when it comes to common phrases that are tossed around on a football field. Think about being wide open, or a wide receiver. How about ball security? Or ball carrier? You could talk about crackbacks and hard counts. There is man coverage, long snappers, loose balls and live balls. We all know what a monster is. How about pump fakes? Run and shoot? Sacks, slots, snaps and touchbacks?

Opening A Hole To Run Bengals' Mike Brown Out Of Town? NFL Pressed To Change Ownership Rules

CINCINNATI (TDB) -- Nobody in Ohio's U.S. House delegation has spoken out on the matter yet. But Buffalo's Democratic congressman is urging the National Football League to revise ownership rules so communities can float stock deals and purchase the local professional franchise. U.S. Rep. Brian Higgins says Buffalo's Bills could move to Toronto because the Lake Erie city's economy and population are in a severe downturn. He wants the league to again authorize deals like the arrangement from long ago that allowed Green Bay to purchase the Packers and keep the team in town. Higgins says small markets -- think places like Cincinnati -- are chained to the whims of owners they cannot buy out. He said stocks and voting rights are the solution:

"If the league is serious about the preservation of small markets where fans have nurtured its teams throughout league history, it must review its policy preventing community ownership."

Higgins sent his letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell yesterday. No response yet. The economy in Buffalo is terrible -- Cleveland and Cincinnati are not in as bad a shape. But both Ohio cities are way off their prime. Higgins contends the Packers should be the NFL's role model for preserving football in a distressed community like Buffalo:

"The result has been one of the most stable and successful franchises in history, as the Packers have become a financial asset to the league far beyond its ability to raise revenues locally. As the Packers have demonstrated, community ownership leads to a level of community pride and team support unrivaled in professional sports."

You can read about Higgins here on his House Web site. The Bengals, of course, aren't planning to move anytime soon. But they are a franchise whose ownership seems to put a premium on finances over performance on the field. Cincinnati lawyer Tim Smith passed along this e-mail in which he suggests watching the Bengals on the field may be lowering the city's birth rate:

"I just read that in 1996, scientists took saliva samples of male soccer fans before and after a game between Brazil and Italy. Brazil won. The testosterone levels of Brazil's fans were found to have risen 28% over pregame levels, while the testosterone levels of Italy's supporters had declined by 25%. Subsequent studies have corroborated these results.Therefore, in calculating the cost of Bengals season tickets, area men should not only include the parking, the seat license, the tickets, the $4 pops, the $6.50 draft beers, and the overpriced food, they might consider the cost of Viagra as well."